Instead of sending money to you, emergency cash should be raised to set up an appointment and send you to the nearest shrink or mental health center.

Amazed that a news source wasted this much valuable space to publish the irrational rantings of not a goose, but obvious loon.

Get some help.

@ Sandy: "Humorous?"

Is that what this diatribe was supposed to be?

OK, well your statement actually is funny. ;)

Perhaps I will go and read over some of the speeches from Khaddafy.

Perhaps we are all misunderstanding the dictator's attempts at being "humorous." ;)

What's the matter, people?

You can't appreciate my exaggerated attempt at humor?

I am a fan of comedy, just like anyone else. I think Charlie Sheen is a hoot!

But, sadly, I don't appreciate that which attempts to be funny at the expense of wildlife, children or oppressed minorities.

Just call me "silly goose."

Which, by the way, I don't mind being labeled.

I actually like the Canada geese and consider them a hell of a lot more interesting, funny, intelligent, clever and fascinating than most (boring) people.

HONK, HONK!

Wow, Sharon.

What happened to all that "humor" here?

Starting to sound a bit paranoid , aren't we?

Personally, I would welcome the geese "taking over."

A lot cuter to look at than 8 million humans here and the geesies actually HAVE a sense of humor!

LOL. Honk, honk!

Patty - Humor at the expense of CHILDREN? RACE? WILDLIFE? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
OK, you're liberal and you're loving and you have feelings.
Who cares? The Canadian geese are LOONY - I'll give you that.
Look, they're from Canada. You want to keep 'em? I'll give you two options: 1) you can contact the Canadian government (you'll love 'em! They're socialist, they're paranoid and they're 'liberal' - they are you!). Our friendly neighbor up north should pay us (since their economy is so much better than ours) for holding their geese/loons. I say $500/bird per month. That's $50,000 just for Moorestown every month! You can be in charge of the red tape. 2) Why don't you take all the Canadian geese/loons/worthless creatures and have them over to your house? Permanently! You can treat them as if they're your own offspring! Everybody wins!
Please don't relate birds - especially out-of-control, over-bred, worthless ugly ones - with children or race. That's an insult to children and every race on earth.
Or you could just lighten up, acknowledge the fact that you're over-reacting to a humorous (VERY!) article by a very good writer, maintain some decorum and move on.

Well said, Rollie!

Re Marsia Mason's whining comment " try to make it back to your car without an accumulation of goose poop on the bottom of your shoes."....first of all it always annoys me when people think they should be able to go outside and find no trace of other living creatures in their environment. Obviously there is a need for huge plastic bubbles to protect these people in a pristine lifeless environment. Until then - wear old shoes or boots. If all you have to complain about is goose poop on shoes after leaving the protective pristine confines of your home then really you have no complaints.

So many huge things to worry about .....do myopic goose poop phobes ever come out of their bubble to think or talk about what human poop costs us? In a state with 13 million people the costs must be enormous to handle over 13 million plus pounds of human poop per year not to mention the disease and illnesses caused by mishandling that.

I have to wonder if these phobes ever had children and had to deal with baby poop and spit up. I have to wonder what kind of lives people who go to the trouble of writing about goose poop have lived to reach this age and think goose poop is anything to write about.

I just read an article about 'sludge fertilizer' - the dangers of recycling human poop into fertilizer! I never even knew this was happening! http://www.rense.com/general44/asaat.htm

'goose poop on my shoes'....cry us a river......it's SO NOT AN ISSUE for any thinking person.

Marsia, you have a clever, great way with words, and you may have a heart for animals, from what I read between the lines. Maybe if the goose issue wasn't such a complex one, this topic would be funnier to me. As someone who has stood over a family of geese that was deliberately run down by a very twisted individual, please understand that there is another story out there, and it is not a funny one. It is about an animal that is unfairly vilified and slaughtered horribly by mass gassing. When an article, even one written in well-meaning humor, paints a creature as negative, this begins a destructive cycle that is very difficult to undo. Not only do people never get to know or understand the maligned animal, but some people get the idea that they are fair game and deliberately target them for malicious action, and township councils get the idea that they have to start killing.

Canada Geese are not from Canada - they are native to North America (including the United States) as well as migratory. Their name comes from John Canada, the taxidermist who first identified the species, not the country of Canada. We are not overrun with geese, we are overrun with humans who have overpopulated and overbuilt on every piece of land and left no room for the animals. If you drive in the Moorestown/Cherry Hill area, you already know what a nightmare of speed and rudeness it is.

The geese could use a friendly press agent - how about it? "Give Geese a Chance"

Ohmygod................

Ohmygeese.....

It would be really nice if all the people berating geese (based mostly on mindless propaganda, misinformation or phobia) actually took a little time to KNOW them.

Canada geese mate for life. They are among the most incredibly loyal, devoted and protective animals on earth (one reason for their high survival rates). Ganders especially, spend most of their lives looking out for and protecting their mates and offspring.

Geese are exemplary and totally devoted parents to their young. Goslings stay with the parents for a full year, after which the parents renew their romantic bond and gently push the young ones "out of the nest" (much like human parents).

Following nesting and molting (in the late summer and early fall), the geese reunite as families again and migrate together to wintering locations.

Canada geese are gregarious, very social and peaceful birds whose sense of wariness and protection often serve as "security" and early warning systems of danger to other birds, particularly mallards.

The geese are also social with humans and will often form attachments to people who are kind to them, including children.

Indeed, one could go on and on about the amazing intelligence of Canada geese, their resiliance, adaptability and physical toughness. These are birds who can fly thousands of miles in a couple of days.

Instead of whining and berating these magnificant creatures, it would serve humans better to actually observe and LEARN about them.

Marsia - thank you so much for your kind response to my comment and for understanding that I was not criticizing your excellent writing,which I enjoy, or your wonderful sense of humor, which is a lot like my own. When you work, as I do, with animal issues and town councils and regularly rescue the results of people's indifference or outright cruelty, you get to know that all of it is predicated on lack of understanding/misinformation about that animal and our perception of a "problem," albeit one that we have largely caused ourselves, as in the case of the geese.

BTW, I could tell you were an animal lover in your second paragraph - anyone whose heart needs to be slowed down after almost accidentally hitting a goose in a parking lot truly has a heart for other living things :)

ASteinberg is a lot more charitable and generous towards the slop that passed for a column than I am.

Sorry, but I don't consider anyone referring to the geese as "Public Enemy # 1" or any of the other number of inflamatory insults (whether in jest or not) to be any "friend" to animals.

Ms. Mason has apparently never been mugged or molested by another human being to refer to peaceful geese as "public enemy 1" and for that she is quite fortunate.

But, hardly to be admired or praised.

Lies are lies. Prejudice is prejudice. And words can be weapons even when cloaked in so-called "humor."

It doesn't matter who the victims are, whether black, white, man, woman, Christian, Jew, straight, gay, human or animal.

Injustice is injustice.

This column attempted to make "fun" or "humor" by degrading to the most extreme points possible a creature that is already maligned and targeted for destruction.

I believe we normally call behavior like that, "bullying" (picking on those who cannot fight back) and it is nothing to be admired.

I hope Ms. Mason develops some awareness of facts and some sensitivity towards those she insults (both animal and human) when calling innocent geese, "Public Enemy 1."

What garbage!

Give it up and go find another cause to rant about. Ms. Mason writes a wonderful article every week and generates a lot of thinking-------------but not so much ranting.

I'd like to point out that it's kind of sad that the biggest controversy in town is over a column about the excessive population of local geese.

I agree with all of you who support "a chance for the geese" and the "geese have feelings too" mindset, though I hardly think Ms. Mason was proposing that the solution to the goose problem is to kill them off. Maybe I'm mistaken, but it seems the main idea in the article is the humorous proposition of a Ride-the-Ducks-esque tour of good ol' Moorestown, which to me and hopefully others is quite funny. It was intended to make you laugh, rather than cause you go off on long angry goosey rants.

Julie: I am not here to wax poetry about geese or laugh at their expense.

It seems you and I did not read the same column.

I read: The geese are "scavengers that serve no useful purpose." (This, by the way is a lie as the geese are herbivores, NOT scavengers. But, even if scavengers, those animals serve a purpose as every creature on earth does.)

I read: The geese are "waddling excrement factories." (This is also a lie as an adult goose "poops" from 5 to 8 ounces a day of solid waste. No more or no less than other birds their size.)

I read: How are other towns "getting rid of these pesky waddlers?" Well, here in NYC, more than 2,600 Canada geese and their goslings were rounded up from city parks last year, trucked to Kennedy airport and gassed. Entire families stuffed into gas chambers. What kind of poetic image does that drudge up? Ms. Mason seems to approve of goose gassings and actually alludes to them.

Do you find that "funny?"

I don't.

I read: The geese are "public enemny #1." Ms. Mason apparently is not aware of terrorists blowing up buildings or murderers or rapists.

Granted that after reading this slop, I did not read the entire piece and even now find it a exercise in banality to trudge through. -- like wading through wet cement with ballet slippers.

Say what you will about me. I don't care.

But, I will "rant" like hell to defend those who cannot defend themselves against mindless venom disguised as "humor."

Ms. Mason asks, "What are other towns doing to get rid of those pesky waddlers?"

Here is one thing: Running the geese over with cars. http://indianhill-montgomery.fox19.com/news/crime/police-investigate-deliberate-killing-goose-parking-lot/68533

Then again, what could possibly be wrong running over our country's "Public Enemy No 1" or "waddling excrement factories?"

Surely, the driver of the vehicle, though s/he was doing the country and Ms. Mason a favor.

Perhaps we should pin a rose on him/her?

Julie, are you Marsia's twin?

You seem to know more about her intent than she does.

I had no plans of returning to this page as you are correct that we have enough to do in NYC confronting the "goosicide" mentality of our "Doombird" Mayor and the DEC.

But, some of us also check and google goose "news" from other areas and that is how this column came up.

Perhaps when writing this tirade against the geese, Ms. Mason figured that no one gives a damn about the animals and she could spew out whatever "poop" without challenge.

But, that is not the case these days with the power of the Internet.

It might surprise you and your twin that there are actually a lot of people who CARE about the geese and detest how they are being demonized these days.

If you and Marsia want to continue to dish out poop about the geese, expect to get a good deal of poop back.

On the other hand, if you would like to get away from all this negativity, you might appreciate this "up" piece from the Wall Street Journal about a mama goose sitting on a nest in a cemetery who was protected by a deer. Mama's eggs hatched yesterday:
http://online.wsj.com/article/AP695d5b2c48b9468886bc07a570403f49.html

A truly ROYAL BIRTH -- which I am sure you and Ms. Mason will celebrate. ;)

As a fan of Ms. Mason's columns, I find it incredulous that the satirical nature of this particular article is at issue. Read, enjoy and form your own opinions but the intensity of the responses seemss disproportionate to the intended message of commentary....write on, Marsia

Jane, for those like yourself who enjoy Ms. Mason's columns, go ahead.

Just hope that she never picks as some object of "satire" something you care about. Your reaction might be different.

You know, just prior to St. Patricks Day, Mayor Doombird (i.e Bloomberg) put his foot in his mouth and made some lame joke connecting Irish people to large quantities of alcohol intake. I am Irish, but did not take personal offense at the joke. I just thought it inane.

But, some Irish organization DID take offense, because the joke fed into stereotypes about the Irish as "drunks." (I don't drink, by the way.)

Well, hoof and mouth disease Doombird had to take the joke back and apologize for it.

Here is the point of all this:

Mason's column attempted to "be funny" at the expense of those who cannot defend themselves. It also fed into typical "stereotypes" about the maligned geese that are highly inflated and exaggerated (just as implying that all Irish are drunks or all Italians are tempermental).

I did not complain about Doombird's lame joke about the Irish. I figure my people can fight for themselves.

But, I greatly oppose Doombird because of his cruel, callous, insane and relentless campaign against Canada geese. He is a disaster for animals, in general.

So, enjoy Mason's columns -- until she picks on something you love. You might not then find it so "funny."

Julie: I must indeed be a "silly goose" for still talking with you, but just to try once more:

You claim to "care" about geese and to care whether or not they are reckelessly killed.

If that is the case, then why would you so adamantly defend a colomn that refers to geese as scavengers that have no purpose in life and as "waddling excerement factories?" Do you in fact support the contention that the geese are "Public Enemy No 1."?

That seems very strange coming from someone who otherwise portends to "care" about geese or even like animals.

It reminds one of those people who say, "Some of my best friends are (fill in the blank)." But then they go on long rants vilifying the very people they refer to as "friends."

Claims of "caring about" ring very hollow when one's otherwise actions are to demonize the beings in question or support the debasement of those one supposedly "cares about."

Personally, I would have more respect (in terms of honesty) for someone saying they hate geese and want them all dead than I do someone saying they "care" about geese but want them dead (or vanished) anyway because they don't like getting "poop on their shoes."

Words should match actions and the kinds of things one supports. Otherwise, they come off hollow and dishonest.

Pattty - don't you think all this effort would be better served working with some wildlife preservation group rather than just arguing on the internet? I agree with you that geese are fascinating, valuable creatures, but I also think that you have taken a humorous column too far.

First of all you seem to have clearly misread some major points of the article. You say, "Ms. Mason seems to approve of goose gassings and actually alludes to them." But Ms. Mason clearly states: "The "live-and-let-live" faction does not want to see any involvement from the Wildlife Service, whose method of downsizing is to addle the goose eggs and gas some of the nesting geese. "

Another crucial mistake is you equating Ms. Mason's opinions on geese to human racism and discrimination. Comparing her to Mayor Bloomberg, regardless of how you feel about him, is simply an irrational equation. Nowhere in Ms. Mason's article did she discriminate against "minorities" as you said. Furthermore, it is simply irrational to compare a dislike of animals to racism (as you did with the Bloomberg comparison). Many children that get bit by dogs in their childhood develop a phobia of dogs. Now, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with dogs, but I couldn't blame a child for being scared of them. Does this make the child a scathing racist or a minority basher? No.

If you still find nothing to agree with here, then I really recommend finding a more valuable way to help the geese.

Hank: You might want read what has actually been said here.

I never accused Ms. Mason of being a "racist" or discriminating against minorities.

I did accuse her of "bullying" behavior -- that of beating up on or making "fun" of a species that is already under attack all over and one that cannot defend itself.

How does that relate to issues like racism or derision of oppressed minorities?

They all have at their base, misunderstanding and/or fear of the target OR an attitude that "might makes right." (Its OK to beat up on those who cannot fight back and have no defenders.)

In fact, your example of a child developing a fear of dogs after being bitten by a dog is a good example of this. We fear or even hate what we truly don't know or understand.

Of course, why people would develop a phobia about geese, simply because of stepping in poop is very curious. It seems easy to avoid that by just avoiding areas where the geese swim or nibble on grass. The geese after all are not invading our homes with guns and masks.

As for me "misreading" Mason's statement on goose gassing, I don't believe I did.

She is in subtle way, condescending to the "live and let live" faction of us who yes, take offense when thousands of Canada geese AND their goslings are corralled, stuffed into crates and gassed.

This, at a time they are flightless and unable to escape or defend themselves.

My message is simple: Pick on someone your own size who can fight back.

Hank: Take a reading comprehension course. Seriously.

I said the Mayor made a "lame" joke about the Irish which I personally did NOT find offensive, but others did.

How that morphs into a statement about "racism" is beyond me.

And yes, I "don't appreciate that which attempts to be funny at the expense of WILDLIFE, children OR oppressed minorities." This is not to say the offender is doing ALL THREE.

Duh.....

As for joining some wildife organization, I am already a member of several.

However, its a lot more fun battling these issues out on the public stage. ;)

Nothing will change for animals until public attitude, perception and behavior towards them changes.

It all starts HERE -- on the public domain.

BEHOLD MOORESTOWN, THE SUPREME PROTECTOR OF THE GEESE SPEAKS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SENSE OF MORALITY AND COMMON DECENCY YOU WILL HEED HER WORDS AND SAVE THE GEESE. TOO LONG HAVE IGNORANT BORING HUMAN BEINGS STOMPED THE EARTH, LEAVING ONLY DEATH AND DESTRUCTION IN THEIR WAKE. LET US REPAIR OUR WAYS AND FOLLOW THE EXAMPLE OF THE ONE ONLY KNOWN AS 'PATTY A.'

I PROPOSE THAT WE GIVE GEESE A SEAT IN THE PRESIDENTIAL CABINET. TOO LONG HAVE THESE ANIMALS BEEN OPPRESSED AND CAST DOWN. WE MUST GIVE THE GEESE A VOICE TO SPEAK OF THEIR LONG SUFFERING AND DEGRADATION. THESE POOR, DEFENSELESS ANIMALS MUST BE GIVEN JUSTICE!

I ALSO PROPOSE THAT THAT WE ENACT A NEW SET OF GEESE APPRECIATION LAWS. WHENEVER A MOTORIST STOPS FOR A GROUP OF GEESE THEY WILL BE REQUIRED BY LAW TO BOW DOWN AND KISS THE EARTH THAT THE GEESE HAVE WALKED UPON. GEESE WILL BE GIVEN FIRST PRIORITY SEATING IN RESTAURANTS AND OTHER PUBLIC AREAS. GEESE WILL BE TREATED AS ROYALTY AND HUMANS MUST BE SUBSERVIENT TO THESE MAJESTIC BIRDS.

LASTLY I PROPOSE THAT WE TAKE SOME ACTION TO SPREAD THE WORD OF THE PROPHET, 'PATTY A.' SHE ALONE HAS TAUGHT AS THE ERROR IN OUR WAYS. SHE ALONE HAS STOOD UP FOR THE DEFENSELESS GEESE. SHE ALONE IS THE LIGHT THAT WILL GUIDE US INTO THE FUTURE, A FUTURE WHERE GEESE ARE FINALLY GIVEN THE RESPECT THEY DESERVE! ALL HAIL 'PATTY A.'!

Harra: Why, THANK you! (I am blushing).

But, please no praises for your supreme, but humble servent (me). I much prefer the obscurity of background.

But, indeed, by ALL means, RAISE THE GEESE!

A PRESIDENTIAL CABINET POSITION! YES!!!

GEESE APPRECIATION LAWS! -- YES, YES YES!!!

AND A ROYAL WEDDING FOR OUR BELOVED MATED GOOSE PAIRS!

YES, YES YES!

Thanks, Hara!

You have made this long, tiresome campaign worth it!

GOD SAVE OUR PRECOUS GEESE AND LONG MAY THEY LIVE!

Respect - if not appreciation - for wildlife begins with education and Canada geese are no exception. So, I would like to take this opportunity to make an educational correction, here. Canada geese are not named after "John Canada". Birds are given Latin or Neo-Latin names so the species are recognized universally. The Latin names are then translated into common names, which reflect the language of each country. When translated into English, Branta canadensis becomes "Goose of Canada", hence Canada goose. For further information on Canada geese please visit www.canadageese.org and www.canadageesenewjersey.com - Sharon Pawlak, Nat'l coordinator for the Coalition to Prevent the Destruction of Canada Geese (fromer nineteen-year resident of Moorestown)

Sharon: Presuming what you say is true, then why is it incorrect to call them, "Canadian geese" as we call the people of Canada, "Canadians?"

The geese are not just birds of Canada. They are native to North America, including, USA. It is thus wrong to accuse the geese of being an "invasive species." They are American as apple pie and hoola hoops!

With that in mind and following through on some of Harra's profound thoughts:

A national, "WE LOVE OUR AMERICAN GEESIES!" holiday should be proclaimed.

It would be celebrated by veggie picnics in the parks in which we share our goodies with our honking friends, including popcorn, chips and beer. We should all get a little "loosy goosy" and I believe the geesies would enjoy that. ;) (Not recommended to wear Minolo Blanoks to special picnic.)

Because they are so much more proficient at air travel than we are (their wings don't come off when flying, nor do they collide with each other), Canada geese should be put in charge of air traffic control.

Because they know and get along so well with other wildlife, a Canada goose should be appointed to head up the Dept of Interior.

And because they are such devoted mates and exemplary parents, photos of geese should appear on all Valentines's, and Mother's and Father's Day greeting cards.

Finally, because there is no question of "birth" of resident geese, one should be elected President.

Who better knows peace, than the peaceful geese?

Dear Patty A:
In an effort to find common ground and come together as a community, a nation, and as Canadian Goose lovers, I would like to personally invite you to the 24th "International Child Labor and Canadian Goose Cook-Off Festival" (ICLCGCOF) here in Moorestown, NJ (town motto: "Nice town, Friendly people, Great Goose Burgers!").
It's a wonderful weekend of love, hard work and great food.
Starting with the local custom of char-broiling Canadian Goose you will find these birds are tasty treats especially when doused with helpings of taco sauce! Canadian Goose Tartare is a South Jersey specialty as well, and we would love to have you sample some along with Canadian Goose Foot, a somewhat gamier but delightfully chewy snack that some liken to a Slim Jim or birdie taffy.
We are proud to bring children to town from around the globe. We teach them to cook Canadian Goose (you know the saying: "Give a man a Canadian Goose, he'll eat for an hour; teach a man to char-broil Canadian Goose and he'll start a riot!"), and we quadruple whatever income they're making back home, giving them state-of-the-art equipment to make: Canadian Goose Feather throws, shoes and hats! It's a sight to see as the good people of Moorestown sport the handiwork of a truly international conglomerate of well-paid and well-fed future Canadian Goose connoisseurs, walking about eating Canadian Goose Burgers and Feet.
Best wishes! And as we like to say here in Moorestown, Wanna get loose? Eat a goose!

@ Rollie: "Wanna get loose. Eat a goose," eh?

I didn't know that eating goose gives people diarrhea. Hope you have Port-A-Johns nearby.

Things could get messy and real stinky at the cook-off festival.

Thanks for the invite, but I'll take a pass on it.

Human adult diapers ain't my thing -- but I'll be happy to send some to Moorestown.

Sounds like you guys will need the diapers, big time.

Holy-Cow...First there's Patty A...then Marion Ambler and now A Steinberger. How many more of there are you who copy and paste your unsubstantiated statistics, facts that some house-wife in NYC who hasn't seen grass in 20 years made up and (as I've confirmed with REAL people) references to "experts" that don't exist. You can imagine my surprise when I see that you live in NY CITY....Don't tell the people who actually live in areas that has grass, trees, water (that is not sewer water) and animals (that aren't in a zoo) about the problems we face. Tell you what...when we need to know about the problems with rats, cockroaches and living in your own feces we'll let you know...otherwise keep your ignorant views to yourselves.

@ John Thomas:

Well, now I really believe there is something in the water at Mooretown -- and its not goose poop.

"Rats, cockroaches and living in your own feces?"

You really should not project your own lifestyle upon others.

Perhaps I really should have sent you guys the adult diapers.