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A Town Council Kind of Christmas

"The Twelve Days of Christmas," a la Mo'town

After getting dinner started last Monday, I sat down to check my email, although I’m not sure why. The Viagra come-ons have disappeared, but every other company in the universe has access to my email and is bombarding me with instant trash. Lo and behold, there was one keeper: a reminder of a “” at 6 p.m. to discuss the athletic field situation. I did a double take because, after all, EVERY Town Council meeting is special. I also did a double take because I enjoy doing double takes. 

After watching the wishes of 1,400 citizens by town council like so much dryer lint earlier this year, I felt a moral obligation to go and let my voice be heard or at least let my grunts of disapproval be heard. So, over a nice meal with my very significant other, I mentioned the meeting and opined that I really should go. Now it was Taylor’s turn for a double take.

“Why would you put yourself through that particular agony?” he said, twirling his spaghetti. “It’s not like they’re going to listen to you anyway.”

He was right. I was better served by staying home with my vagabond husband than by sitting through another pointless town council meeting that only leads to plastic fields if you’re part of the “in-crowd,” or high blood pressure if you’re a lowly citizen and not part of the acronym gangs that seem to be running this town.

Monday night’s meeting went on without me. I’m glad I stayed home because it was just more of the same. Improvements to three township athletic fields are going out to bid and the Open Space Trust Fund will be pillaged from now on to finance artificial turf, scoreboards, lights, parking lots and anything town council deems necessary so Mo’town can proudly trumpet NOT its superior schools, but its superior plastic playing fields. And to respond to the new township manager’s statement that playing fields are “a very important amenity” for young families moving to the area, I say SHOW ME THE FAMILIES! Introduce me to a family that moved here for the playing fields.

I’ve had enough agita to last a lifetime, so I will not be wasting any more of my precious time at town council meetings. THEY ARE NOT LISTENING. Instead, in the spirit of the holiday, I’ve written a song parody about this, the most fabulously deaf town council in Mo’town history. Consider it my ‘lil holiday gift just for you.
 

 

The Twelve Council Meetings (to the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas")

At the first council meeting, town council gave to me

A parking lot for my Humvee

 

At the second of the meetings, town council gave to me

Two sports-crazed dads

And a parking lot for my Humvee

 

At the third council meeting, town council gave to me

Three new scoreboards

Two sports-crazed dads

And a parking lot for my Humvee

 

At the fourth council meeting, town council gave to me

Four liquor permits

Three new scoreboards

Two sports-crazed dads

And a parking lot for my Humvee

 

At the fifth council meeting, the big boys gave to me

FIVE PLASTIC FIELDS!!!!

Four liquor permits

Three scoreboards

Two sports-crazed dads

And a parking lot for my Humvee

 

At the sixth council meeting, town council gave to me

Six zoning nightmares

FIVE PLASTIC FIELDS!!!!!

Four liquor permits

Three scoreboards

Two sports-crazed dads

And a parking lot for my Humvee

 

At the next council meeting, town council gave to me

Seven more drugstores

Six zoning nightmares

FIVE PLASTIC FIELDS!

Four liquor permits

Three new scoreboards

Two sports-crazed dads

And a parking lot for my Humvee

 

At the eighth council meeting, I fell asleep (and dreamt of)

Eight library revamps

Seven more drugstores

Six zoning nightmares

FIVE PLASTIC FIELDS!

Four liquor permits

Three new scoreboards

Two sports-crazed dads

And a parking lot for my Humvee

 

At the ninth council meeting, town council gave to me

Nine town hall blueprints

Eight library revamps

Seven more drugstores

Six zoning nightmares

FIVE PLASTIC FIELDS!

Four liquor permits

Three new scoreboards

Two sports-crazed dads

And a parking lot for my Humvee

 

At the tenth council meeting, town council gave to me

Ten spinning answers

Nine town hall blueprints

Eight library revamps

Seven more drugstores

Six zoning nightmares

FIVE PLASTIC FIELDS!

Four liquor permits

Three new scoreboards

Two sports-crazed dads

And a parking lot for my Humvee

 

At the eleventh council meeting, town council gave to me

Eleven kids on skateboards

Ten spinning answers

Nine town hall blueprints

Eight library revamps

Seven more drugstores

Six zoning nightmares

FIVE PLASTIC FIELDS!

Four liquor permits

Three new scoreboards

Two sports-crazed dads

And a parking lot for my Humvee

 

At the twelfth council meeting, town council gave to me

Twelve teardown mansions

Eleven kids on skateboards

Ten spinning answers

Nine town hall blueprints

Eight library revamps

Seven more drugstores

Six zoning nightmares

FIVE PLASTIC FIELDS!

Four liquor permits

Three new scoreboards

Two sports-crazed dads

And a parking lot for my Humvee!!!!!

Black and Gold December 23, 2011 at 03:52 PM
Caught a typo. It should read "in her pieces". I'm sure someone would have pointed this out. My apologies.
Really. A. Mason December 23, 2011 at 04:51 PM
Look at Rollies old posts too. You didn't really think Patch was a legitimate news source did you? More like HuffPost/AOL. AOL Coincidence perhaps?
HomeBrew December 23, 2011 at 05:15 PM
Season's Greetings from the HomeBrew Crew. Check out your card above. http://moorestown.patch.com/articles/a-town-council-kind-of-christmas-by-marsia-mason#photo-8777219 For moving pictures, see "The Sky is Falling" http://homebrewsjavajive.blogspot.com/2011/12/sky-is-falling.html and "Rage Coach" http://homebrewsjavajive.blogspot.com/2011/12/rage-coach.html
figgy pudding December 23, 2011 at 06:22 PM
Ms. Brew, are you aware that Moorestown has an artificial turf field at Wesley Bishop Park and that it is widely used by children and adults from the recreation department to the high school and college kids? I even understand personal trainers provide training on it. Are you against that field or just new fields that will benefit thousands of children and parents?
Root Beer Float December 24, 2011 at 06:39 PM
Yeah, the high school should get the second turf field. I move that this be a subject at the top of the agenda at the next BOE meeting. Instead of two turfs at Wesley bishop toss the other one at masters field. Goingto the mall to enjoy th root beer floats and burgers, before the Christmas family big eats!

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